She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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