i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
im holly from the hills drunk
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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