Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
