good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
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