I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
