3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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