Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
