So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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