So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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