You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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