so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
