the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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