So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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