nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
