the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize