I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
