What a fucking waste of an outfit
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
