just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
