cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
