I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
