note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
