You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I just want nice things and good sex
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize