Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
it hurts more in the daytime
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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