You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
