ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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