I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
