I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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