She said her name was "party"
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
