This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize