as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
