he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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