Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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