we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
