your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize