just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
