Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
