At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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