I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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