This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
