I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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