I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
