you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize