I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
