omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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