I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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