I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
