I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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