you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
