Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
