yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Text me some of your sweat
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