I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
