dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
