Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
