Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize