Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
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