i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
