You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I can't trust your balls anymore.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
