TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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