She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
