I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
