drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
