man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
