just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
