i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
