11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Shame - the story of my life.
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