I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
