fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We need to get me chipped asap
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize