It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
