I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
