She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
