Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize