I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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