Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize