is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
