Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
