All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
