he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Randomize
