He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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