He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize