Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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