I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
COCAINE IS GR8
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
