just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize