yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
