...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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