For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize