sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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