i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Randomize
