I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Randomize
