I molested 6 butterflies tonight
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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