I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
