I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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