I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
