After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
