Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
