Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
