How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
