You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
