just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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