i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
