Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
